THE END: revenge, remorse, and retribution

♥ toma-ism #66:
toma-kun...
And if you only knew
Just how much the sun needs you
To help him light the skies
You would be surprised
You would be surprised.
[lyrics from Cerf, Mitiska &
Jaren's Light The Skies]

good evening~~

yes~ it's kinda the real last friday=Maou day for me today. =(
the last time (probably) that i'll spend a whole post talking about it, at least.
but...all good things have to come to an end and all that....

oh~ i noticed more ppl here recently...i think it's cuz winter vacation has started in malaysia & phillippines?? congrats to those of you that are on holiday now!! =) have fun!! watch maou & hachikuro if u haven't already!! i'm guessing so, since my friend in singapore said her exams R almost over & vacation would start soon, probably countries nearby R the same.

well~ i have bad news and good news. which do u want to hear first?

...

that's what i would pick too!
i always prefer bad, then good. haha~

BAD NEWS:
THERE'S NO MORE MAOU (well, since sept. already, it ended, but u know what i mean...i really miss Naoto and watching Maou! too bad there won't be a special or anything more to this drama...)

GOOD NEWS:
though i've been brainstorming a lot, i can't think of anything we can make together for toma for christmas....BUT i've thought of a christmas present for all my loyal readers here!! i'm gonna "make" it... and no matter where u live, whether u're a girl/guy, young/older, longtime toma fan/new fan, u will like it. NO, YOU'LL LOVE IT!! =P *i think.* but i don't want to give anything away, it's a SURPRISE! i'll "give" it to you on christmas day!! ^__^ please look forward to it!! ~_~
.....actually, it's not THAT good, so please don't have too high expectations for it! haha. and NO, it's not a message from toma (I WISH!) or airplane tickets to tokyo so u can try to meet toma! lol. wouldn't that be the ABSOLUTELY best gifts for ANY toma fan?? hahaha.

anyway~
i hope you'll all like it. even if u don't, please don't re-gift and remember it's the thought that counts and please don't be too disappointed ne! hahaha~
seriously, though, it's just something from me to you, to thank you for coming here, and for all your nice comments. whenever i see that the cluster map's "visits on previous day" number is high or i read your warm & kind & sweet & funny comments/messages (whether here or at Dear Toma...) for me or toma, it really makes me HAPPY! *__*

also~
i've thought of some other cool stuff i can add to this blog during december so everyone can feel the cheerful christmas and wonderful winter spirit, so please also look forward to that! =)

before all the serious Maou stuff, here's just some funny Maou/revenge related stuff to lighten up the mood!

[cute lil' devil, huh? credit: zdnet tech update newsletter. don't remember the subject of that article, but it was certainly nothing evil/devil related! haha.]

i remember watching a simpsons episode where, for some reason, homer dies! and before he did, he told his family: "Avenge me in a flamboyant, impractical fashion!" lol!! xD it made me think of naruse's revenge right away....so elaborately planned out perfectly and in such a complex, detailed way! (btw, if u like watching criminals with incredibly, insanely elaborate plans to murder someone, watch Monk!! they come up with the craziest, yet most ingenious plans that only Monk can figure out!! u can watch some episodes here if u don't have USA Network.) but revenge in movies/dramas are the most exciting to watch when they're so elaborate and extremely complex, right? but marge got it right when she said "revenge only leads to misery"!

[also! this was a scene that made me think of what toma must be like while on break from filming at the studio...waiting around 4 time for his turn to film, being bored, just hanging out and having a drink. haha~]

the ending of Maou has had a huge effect on me! i think i need a week or 2 till i can move on and watch the hana kimi SP!! cuz i still mainly see toma as naoto 4 now, and i can't forget naoto yet!! well, of course i'll never forget naoto, but i mean, i can't see toma as nakatsu yet!!

also! i have only uploaded screencaps up to episode 9! i will upload 10 & 11's later...THERE ARE SPOILERS IN THE SCREENCAPS, OF COURSE! You have been warned!
http://s508.photobucket.com/albums/s322/ilovetoma2/2nd%20maou-Screencaptures/

MINNA, GOMEN! THIS POST IS EXTREMELY LONG FOR THOSE THAT HAVE FINISHED MAOU. BUT IT'S NOT SO LONG FOR THOSE THAT HAVEN'T AND DON'T READ THE SPOILERS. HAHA. but i hope you'll come back after you finish and do read them then! or not. it's up to you~

~11.17.08 edit~
i forgot to say thank you to the STORMY TEAM for subbing Maou: MINNA, ARIGATOU!! EVERYONE AT STORMY TEAM SUB THAT HELPED MAKE IT POSSIBLE 4 US TO WATCH MAOU IN SUCH HIGH QUALITY & CRYSTAL CLEAR, PERFECTLY TRANSLATED SUBTITLES!!!!!!!!!

REALLY, TRULY, THANK YOU x 1000000000!
I LOVE U ALL!! ♥♥♥

ok.
let's jump into Maou world one last time...now!


[btw, u can read all my previous, most significant posts about Maou below:

http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/09/letter-postcard-4-toma-maou-eps-4-9.html
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/08/maou-episodes-2-3-comments.html
http://ikutatomalove.blogspot.com/2008/07/maou-episode-1-my-thoughtscomments.html]


first, here are more songs that remind me of Maou. and yes, these R some of my fav songs!

(makes me think of naoto, determined to catch naruse!)
THE PRETENDER -FOO FIGHTERS:

You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?

I'm the voice inside your head
You refuse to hear
I'm the face that you have to face
Mirrored in your stare
I'm what's left, I'm what's right
I'm the enemy
I'm the hand that will take you down
Bring you to your knees.

So who are you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKhnmUdmz74
http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-pretender-lyrics-foo-fighters.html


(makes me think of shiori and naruse's relationship...he's always leaving her behind...and sometimes all he said was only "goodnight". I LOVE HOW THE SONG STARTS OUT SLOW AND SAD BUT SLOWLY BUILDS UP TO SHOW THE FRUSTRATION/ANGER! and the part about being an angel. he's known as the angelic lawyer, after all!)
YOU ALWAYS SAY GOODNIGHT, GOODNIGHT -JULIANA THEORY

I can't leave without saying ...goodbye.
So did you really think that you could take it?
Could you make it alone tonight?
I never could have hoped for anything more.
Be my angel if you can, alright.
You always say goodnight, and you, you always say goodnight.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ud1gig5YCOo
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/You-Always-Say-Goodnight-Goodnight-lyrics-The-Juliana-Theory/2A0406F2F029D68C48256BF900120D01


(this song is actually about a person growing to hate a person who won't like him back, but cut out certain parts of the song, and it could really be about how naoto can tell naruse is not the angelic person everyone thinks he is...and that he's also a sad/guilty person like naoto! a lot of it describes what naoto goes through perfectly!!)
OUTSIDE-STAIND

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel
All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMiSiTcz5lo
http://www.metrolyrics.com/outside-lyrics-staind.html


(love this song! God is never far behind. *heart* i like to think of it as God trying to send naoto (or even naruse) a message, that it's ok if u make mistakes, and He'll always love him and be around to watch over him no matter what happens. *heart* and i love the part "the truth is shining in your eyes" makes me think of naoto, especially when his eyes are welling up with tears and they do shine beautifully!! ahhhh~ i wish i could look that good when crying! how does toma do it???)
NEVER FAR BEHIND -ALY & AJ

I am sending you a message
Don't ever think that its too late
When you care about someone
There is always room for change
You're allowed to make mistakes
Its a part of every life
I don't see you any different
The truth is shining in your eyes

I will always be your friend
I know who you are inside
I am with you till the end
Never far behind
I am standing in the distance
You can take your time
and I will be here waiting
Never far behind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSKaytlPV7w
[the lyrics are on this video!]

[*GOMEN! had trouble connecting to the internet. i'll be back later to finish this post!*

sorry again, i'll have to finish this post & also compare maou w/ma wang tomorrow!

see u tomorrow!
good night. ]


...................................... some cool Maou youtube videos:

(***IF U HAVEN'T FINISHED WATCHING MAOU YET, PLS BOOKMARK THIS POST NOW AND REMEMBER 2 COME BACK AFTER U'RE DONE SO U CAN READ THE SPOILER PARTS & WATCH THE MVS!!)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuDtYa20bZE&feature=related
[Maou.. Behind The Scenes!/ some interviews with ohno, toma; photoshoot, etc.]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1JBQFL0MIQ
[Haunting me/ MV of Maou's episode 6 ------pretty cool!]



___________________DANGER! : videos with *SPOILERS*________________________


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTvfa_UcXgA
[Maou Fanvid / My World ----AWESOMENESS!! my fav maou DMV!! love the FAST pace & editing and great song and the CUTE naoto parts & all the intensity! but try 2 ignore the keroppi in the corner!]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JwCEgRXYvg
[Maou - The killer in me is the killer in you/ awesome!! great editing & song!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiuRc0ppGJQ
[Maou Jdrama fanvid/ cool song! great editing! love all the intense naoto scenes & him RUNNING! <3 href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReLbJTS-yHs&feature=related">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReLbJTS-yHs&feature=related
[Naruse & Serizawa MV - Nickelback *Gotta be somebody*/ a pretty intense MV...but it almost seems like they wanna make them seem like a couple??]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeBQoAVgbFk&feature=related
[arashi - truth/ great scenes where they glare at each other at the start...]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq2xCLR3F0M&feature=related
[Naruse and Shiori - Leave the rest /excellent song choice!! perfectly describes naruse's situation/feelings!!]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byF-z4Fa6w4&feature=related
[Naruse & Shiori /all their best scenes together!!]



.......................my comments (NO SPOILERS) for ep.s (2nd half of)9 - 11(final ep.):


(BTW, i had to wait around 1 month to watch the 2nd half of ep. 9!! cuz was waiting for stormy team to release all the last episodes be4 i continued watching. that was really tough for me! then i had to wait a couple weeks cuz i was sick before i could watch the last episode! that was torture. )

---- BRAVO, TOMA!
just wanna say again, this was an EXCELLENT PERFORMANCE OVERALL FOR HIS 1ST HALF-LEAD DRAMA ROLE! toma gave a beautiful brilliant heart-breaking performance!!!!! especially in ep. 11!!! especially their last encounter!!!!!!!!!! my god, what a completely brilliant actor!
but it's just that sometimes he looks REALLY tired...i dunno if it's the long hours of filming (late into the night, especially), or is it that he's supposed to look that way cuz naoto is tired? or both? haha. i'm looking forward to a series where he's the male lead, but hopefully for a happy/romantic drama!

--toma's look of "shock!" is just awesome! wait, i think i've said this before? haha~ well, he's just really so great at looking shocked!! 2nd great at it is shiori!

--kasai angrily pushes naoto against a wall! i was surprised! anytime any1 pushes some1 against a wall & gets in their face, it seems almost romantic in a passionate way, right?? haha. and he was clenching his clothes and leaning on his stomach!!! whether they did it on purpose or not, that sad/desperate moment turned out to be seductive/hot!! lol. any toma fan would gladly trade places with kasai in that moment! xD haih(yes)! *heart*

--i thought it was interesting that toma's characters in H&C and Maou seem like complete opposites on the surface, BUT they've actually got a lot in common. takemoto & naoto are both self-conscious, sensitive/fragile and sad/lonely guys, really...though naoto is older, stronger (figuratively & literally) & more mature, of course. and both have an unrequited love. both don't get along with their fathers. both really value friendship. and both are really good guys!!!

--speaking of H&C, kasai kept reminding me of mayama f/ h&C! they kinda look alike, mainly cuz of the glasses. haha. and he had a relationship with an older woman, too!! some similarities there...


--random: i like naoto's dark grey socks! =P


--both honey & clover and maou often have that *ping* sound effect that signals someone has appeared or something important has happened. i was kinda annoyed of that at first, but after a while, i kinda like it! it's like an exclamation point, but in the form of that sound, to get your attention!


-i'm sad Maou had ended, but man, am i glad i don't have to see that scary/evil/maou face again!! at the start of every episode!! whew.




_______________________ PLEASE STOP!!!
SPOILERS BELOW!___________


..............
....................

...............

............TWO BROTHERS, ONE FATE.


----- I BELIEVE THAT ALL TOMA FANS WILL DEFINITELY BE VERY SAD AFTER WATCHING THE ENDING. =,( when will it stop hurting??? i really did feel so HURT and SAD after i finished it!! i feel like i need to "mourn" naoto's, naruse's, everyone's deaths for a while be4 i can move on to watching the hana kimi SP!

but LIFE GOES ON...
and at least u can be a little happier, thinking "at least my life doesn't suck as badly as naoto's and naruse!" right? eh? fufufu. =T

BUT I WANT TO SEE A DRAMA WHERE TOMA'S NOT IN TEARS AT THE END!!!!
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! ONEGAISHIMAS!!
A HAPPY ENDING FOR TOMA-KUN!


------- naoto is more "real" for me than toma's previous drama characters cuz he's not from a manga & he's got such a sad life story....i mean, i haven't seen him as an anime or manga character, a drawing...he's just a very REAL character to me. i've come to think of naoto=toma, especially cuz toma really seems to FEEL everything that naoto feels, his acting is so passionate and genuine!!

so it was super hard to watch him fake-dying...it's like a part of toma dies. in the cat in the red boots play, toma kinda died, and that was already tough for me to see! i've never ever wanted a character in a drama TO LIVE more than this time!! i so so so wanted him to survive naruse's revenge and LIVE ON. AND i've never been so devastated that someone died in a drama. even though i know he's not real, but on a certain level, in the world of Maou, he's real, so if he had lived on, i would be so happy!! his character would in a way, be immortal and have endless possibilities in that world. but now that he died, it's so final. that's it. it's over. no more naoto. it's so final and it's really sad. =(


---Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.-- Mary Anne Radmacher
[sierra club's DAILY RAY OF HOPE email for that day, the day that i finished maou. isn't this quote so fitting, so perfect for that day?? i saw it in my inbox AFTER i had finished maou, and it made me wanna cry again! I WISH NAOTO WAS STILL ALIVE! YOU ARE ABSOLVED NAOTO!! YOU'VE BEEN ABSOLVED, FORGIVEN FOR A LONG TIME NOW!]


--------it's amazing how naruse wants to destroy naoto, just completely shatter his entire world
[borrowed f/King of Queens, when doug was talking about how he would feel if anything bad should happen to his child in the future. i suppose it would be true vice versa! a child would be devastated if he lost his parent, and that's what happened to naruse!]...yet u feel sorry for both sides (though mostly 4 naoto). but it's that balance that drives u crazy at the end....he was wrong, but he's wronger 4 killing so many ppl, but he had a good reason, but he's still WRONG!! but he made him do that/made him evil...but it was an accident!! and so on.... =( BUT WHO WAS REALLY MOST AT FAULT?? i still think naruse, cuz he was the one who caused so many deaths!! and he had plenty of chances to stop, but he wouldn't! it's never too late to repent!! AND even though naoto suffered so much cuz of naruse, he couldn't bear to kill him in the end (well, cuz he felt quilty, too, but STILL!), YET in contrast, naruse has caused many deaths and it didn't bother him at all until the end...that PROVES THAT NAOTO IS A BETTER PERSON THAN NARUSE!

but part of me still feels sorry for naruse...to him, it's worth it to cause all these deaths to get revenge for his brother and mom, who were everything to him...but it's ironic that hideo wanted to stop yamano from becoming a bad guy cuz of another bad guy, yet in the end hideo could not be stopped and also, his own brother became a REALLY bad guy in order to avenge him.

anyway, nothing in this drama is simply evil/good, black & white. there's a lot of moral issues, overlapping good/bad, a lot of philosophy and irony...2 guys who are not completely good guy, not completely bad guy. nothing is clear cut...BUT THAT'S PARTLY WHAT MAKES IT SO GOOD!! though definitely, naoto is the MORE GOOD of the 2, and naruse is the VERY EVIL but actually kinda good guy too....u've gotta be really evil to think up such an elaborate and vicious plan to get revenge!


--i loved all the scenes where naoto & naruse talk to each other after naoto knows he's behind everything... cuz naoto can finally hate naruse along with the audience who have known f/the start!! he's finally not in the dark anymore! but it's so frustrating how naoto can't stop him EVEN when he knows HE'S THE GUY!! it's so amazing how despite all the horrible things naruse did to him, naoto still feels bad and doesn't totally want to catch him...well, until the end, when he just can't stand it anymore! (AGAIN, ANOTHER REASON NAOTO IS A BETTER PERSON AT HEART, THAN NARUSE!)

each time he begged naruse to stop or especially when he said through tears that he's willing to DIE if it will finally stop naruse from hurting the ppl close to him!!! poor guy!!!! ='(
toma really is such a great actor, he always is so COMPLETELY IN CHARACTER and u just feel so sorry for naoto AND TOMA, cuz it's like they are BOTH TRULY HURTING AND REALLY VERY SAD IN THOSE SCENES!!!! ohno's crying scenes are awesome too, but of course u feel more sorry for naoto!!

--[11.16.08 EDIT]:
FORGOT TO SAY....
i really loved these 2 really great/sad moments...
when naoto gets the call from souda's cellphone and he actually hears naruse walk away!! that was such an intense/tragic moment, cuz naoto knows who it is that is calmly walking away from his dead friend!! =(
also, the part that naoto got the last red envelope while naruse was standing in front of him!!! i loved this sad/intense moment, they look at each other, knowing that this means the end is near...naoto looking as if saying "why??!!" and naruse looking so guilty/sad!! =[ a very unique & sad moment!!


--in the last few episodes, u really see, the actor that plays naoto's brother & his dad...they really R great actors, too!! ma, like i said before, they're all good, really, the supporting characters! but they don't get a chance to get more screen-time or a chance to stand out till the last couple episodes....

--shiori really tries so so hard to get naruse to turn back from his path to self-destruction, right?? she is so pretty when she cries too. =) still, it was good that they never really started dating, she would hurt even more if she lost him afterwards. and dramas like this...shouldn't focus on love stories. i thought it was unfair that naruse at least kinda had a girlfriend, but naoto didn't have anyone. i guess the policewoman that worked with him kinda liked him, but that barely counts!


----------it's great that they connect SMOKING with DEATH!! i am absolutely against smoking! of course, smoking regular cigarettes don't kill u as fast as poisoned cigarettes, but really. it's poison. and it WILL eventually kill you. so it's actually redundant, when u think about it, to say poisoned cigarettes. it's like saying poisoned poison! haha. x_X


-he didn't yell at naoto! i thought for sure, his dad would say it's all his fault that his brother died. but he was so sad and so supportive and everything!! it's a side of him naoto probably never saw before! *sigh!* which only makes his death later even more painful for naoto! i thought he would have a heart attack right in the hospital, but then of course, they can't have that, cuz then the doctors would probably be able to save him!! =[ and it's just more sad for naoto to find him dead when he doesn't expect him to be dying at all!!

------------ MY GOD!! naoto was so completely, painfully sad after his brother died!!! i just HURT for him when i see him crying so hard and he's in so much pain! =,(

--naoto's boss said since 15, he's shouldered his sins 4 the past 11 yrs. so that makes him
26 yrs old! i was just surprised to know naoto's the same age as me!

------i love shiori's last words to naruse. when she tries to stop him again be4 the 'tunnel'. can't u see the beautiful cloudy skies...voices in the forest...flowers bloom in spring, red leaves, after the rain there will be a rainbow... it sounds like a corny poem, but right at that moment, i was really touched by her words!! life really is beautiful ne! especially nature.

--so! in the end, almost all the selfish/ppl who've done something wrong DIE!!!!!! everyone dies!! i was kinda surprised, i thought at least kasai would survive!! i thought they'd at least spare him. but i guess everyone involved in that incident from 11 yrs back, they all have to die. =(

--naruse's letter to shiori was really touching. =( though i find it a little hard to believe that in all these years, no other girl has been able to win his heart!! anyway, i love how he said "i don't know why i'm having these dreams" of a happy life with her. =( BAKA, U MIGHT HAVE LIVED ON HAPPILY WITH HER IF U HAD ONLY STOPPED YOUR REVENGE PLAN EARLIER!! AND THEN NAOTO AND ALL THESE OTHER PPL WOULD NOT HAVE DIED!!! ARGGGH!! I HATE YOU!!! ....also, shiori runs pretty fast! but really, her outfits sometimes R just so unbelievably girly/childish!! =/

--naoto's sister-in-law's creepy/fake smile!! right when kasai died! it was weird!! though she always has a pretty fake smile, but this one really creeped me out right when i should be feeling sorry for kasai. lol. i'm sorry kasai. i was sad u died, too! just distracted by your girlf's smile.
ALSO, IT WAS COOL HOW THEY HAD SOME LIGHTNING & THUNDER RIGHT BEFORE KASAI DIED. it might have been coincidental seeing as how it was the rain season in japan, but still.

-------- FINAL FINAL scene: i was confused for a little bit. why did she "read" something right then? do they want to make a sequel?!! but then i remembered, shiori's the only main character that didn't know the TRUTH yet. that he didn't stab him, it was an accident. SHE'LL FINALLY KNOW HE DIDN'T STAB HIM!!!!! YESSSSS! and she can tell naoto's police friends! =) ah, finally his name can be cleared!!!! that was so wicked cool how they did it at the LAST LAST MOMENT OF THE DRAMA!! SWEET VINDICATION!!

(YOU DID KEEP YOUR PROMISE AFTER ALL, NAOTO.
AND YOU DIED TRYING TO CATCH HIM....
WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU! REST IN PEACE. )

======> AROUND THE LAST 15 MINUTES OF THE LAST EPISODE!!!

i got so incredibly nervous and scared and felt so helpless along with shiori of what was coming!! the inevitable outcome for these two brothers. (each have caused the death of the other's brother! and parent) i knew even before i started watching that they would probably both die, since i heard that in Ma Wang, both guys die. even if i didn't know that, the TITLE of the episode and the preview of the episode COMPLETELY GAVE IT AWAY!!! ARGGGH!!! o__o
but STILL!! i WANTED SO BADLY FOR NAOTO TO LIVE.
I REALLY WAS DESPERATELY HOPING THAT THEY WOULD CHANGE THE ENDING FOR THIS VERSION SO AT LEAST NAOTO WOULD LIVE!!!! i started talking to the screen!! "no, don't shoot him!!" "yes!!(after he dropped the gun) "NOOOOO, don't die naoto!!" etc. etc. ='( and i was shaking my head "no!!" a lot. i was shaking my head so much be4 and after: no no no no no no!!!!!!

but really, wasn't it just completely poetic justice that they died that way, in that place, where this all started? naoto accidentally killed hideo. now naruse accidentally kills naoto. with his own gun. and naoto died trying to save naruse!! POETIC JUSTICE AT ITS BEST AND MOST TRAGIC AND MOST IRONIC. naruse ultimately caused his own death (but that was his plan from the start, actually!!!), but also because he tried to save kasai. and though naoto kinda was the cause of everything, but yamano also was to blame. it was his knife after all!! and it seems like they're saying he's the only one of them all that actually is inherently evil, since he wanted to stab naoto since he was a kid and finally killed kasai?

i thought they should have NOT let kasai die though, cuz hideo died [and caused all the others to die] f/stopping yamano, yet in the end yamano still kills some1. so only yamano is inherently evil of all of them??? so u can't stop him? its inevitable that he does something evil?

anyway...

i loved it when naoto said "your revenge will end unfinished!" and pulled out his gun! but when he was so conflicted, crying, really didn't want to shoot him!!! and especially when he was crying more, shaking his head that he can't kill him!! TOMA DESERVES SOME KINDA AWARD FOR HIS AMAZING PERFORMANCE IN THAT SCENE!!! and of course, ohno was so amazing too, but really, i was just so proud of toma's performance!!


toma gave a beautiful brilliant heart-breaking performance!!!!! especially in ep. 11!!! especially their last encounter!!!!!!!!!! my god, what a completely brilliant actor!

i hate naruse, but damn it, they really made me feel sorry for him despite all that he's done to naoto and how naoto's brother and dad died in the same day and naoto's lost all his family members!! i was so relieved when naoto figured out he WANTS to die and dropped his gun. but then after he got shot, i wish he had just shot naruse!!! DAMN IT!!! even though u can say that death is the only way naoto can truly be free from his endless guilt. but still, after all that happened, (even be4 that, when he was a police officer! he already has done a lot of good!) he has suffered enough. he has atoned enough! guilt WAS killing him, but not as fast as a bullet!!


....................oh man, i know this is getting way too long.
but i still have some more things i wanna say!!

--i started crying immediately after i knew it was naoto that got shot! and i cried several times afterwards, just thinking of all the sad things that happened to naruse or when listening to the Grace song. ='( and when i looked outside and the sky was so beautiful, so blue with big white clouds floating by!! just like shiori described to naruse! and also cuz all these deaths made me think of my friend who died a couple years ago, steven. in fact, he died the next day, so that got me even more sad. so u can guess---i also was tearing up the next day, but i was pretty much all cried out by then. my eyes and soul were just so TIRED those 2 days!! completely exhausted.

--but it's so brilliant/cruel of them,
making me smile at the same time i'm crying,
when naoto said u know, it would have been better if u just killed ME from the start!
and when ohno's leaning on toma at the end!!!! so sad! so cute!!!
so nice...they're like brothers now? i mean they both suffered so much but now all is forgiven. and he even put hideo's harmonica in his hand!! a sign of forgiveness...or maybe even that naoto is like a little brother to him??

i really loved what shiori said earlier, about living with all your strength. so i was really so happy that naoto said that at the end!!! he didn't know naruse was already dying!! *sigh!*


--i wanna hate naruse, but it's amazing how they made naoto see both his brother & father die, yet so quickly after that, u also feel so sad for naruse!! THEY. ARE. GOOD. damn!!! but u already know naruse will die halfway thru....its just a question of when/how. i was so so so happy naoto didn't shoot him, though i kinda knew he wouldn't be able to nor want to......BUT OF COURSE, AFTER NAOTO WAS SHOT!! why didn't naoto just shoot him and then live on??


----------------- I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS....MEDICAL ONES.
I'VE SEEN PPL SHOT/STABBED IN MOVIES/DRAMAS AND SURVIVE. but sometimes they don't. it depends. hell, i've seen ppl FALL OFF CLIFFS in hk series and STILL SURVIVE! it just depends on what the director wants. lol.

but i wanted some answers, WOULD NAOTO OR HIDEO/NARUSE HAVE SURVIVED IF THEY GOT TO THE HOSPITAL IN TIME??? THE ANSWER IS...... IT DEPENDS. on exactly where u were shot, did it hit any vital organs, how strong the victim is, how much blood was lost. of course, too much blood loss always leads to DEATH!

here's what i found:

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081004144738AAE5bHC
Effects of a stab wound to stomach?
===========
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080730134402AA1tHgk
If you get shot 4 times,will you die?
Once in the arm,twice in the stomach and once in the shoulder.

AND THAT MADE ME THINK:

though it seemed like NAOTO DIED, maybe he was just unconscious???!!!! I HATE NARUSE!!!! naruse should have said "hey, by the way, i'm dying anyway, so u should try to live! 0__0 let me call the ambulance! baka!!!!!!!!! but there's a chance naoto would die in the hospital anyway...bullet wounds to the stomach seem to be really serious.

BUT in hideo's and especially naruse's case (since he was stabbed off to the side, probably not in his stomach?), seems like they MIGHT have been able to be saved IF they made it to the hospital in time! DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------


--it was a brilliant brilliant ending, but the butterflies were kinda cheesy. but then, i NEEDED some kinda happy ending for them after all this...so...
i usually hate endings where ppl that died show up in the form of a butterfly/bird/whatever. but in this case i can accept it. cuz IM SO GLAD/RELIEVED THEY DIDN'T JUST END THE STORY WITH 2 OF THEM DEAD THERE!!!! I DESPERATELY NEEDED SOME HAPPY SCENE AFTER ALL THAT SADNESS OR ELSE I WOULD GO MAD. it's great that we get to go through the "dark tunnel" and see that on the other side are blue skies and a beautiful beach. =) and life goes on. and shiori and naoto's boss can be happy again...and naoto and naruse are happy, free butterflies (before they are reborn?) maybe we can even imagine naoto & naruse can meet their lost family & friends & even hideo be4 they're reborn....

anyway....

what happened, happened.

can't change it.

it's over. it's done.
i've gotta accepted it.
i can move on!


...........WHEW!!
I'M DONE.
THIS POST TOOK ME RIDICULOUSLY LONG TO WRITE!
BUT I JUST NEEDED TO LET OUT ALL MY FEELINGS!
I DON'T MIND IF MOST OF YOU DON'T READ THE WHOLE THING.
I JUST NEEDED TO WRITE OUT EVERYTHING SOMEWHERE.
TO PRESERVE MY MEMORY OF THE END OF MAOU.

ARIGATOU GOZAIMAS!!

TO YOU!

YOU, THAT HAVE READ THIS WHOLE POST! *deep bow*
(or just skipped all that to read this message at the end!
haha. it's ok la, i know it's too long!)

and please, do live with all your strength
for all the people who care about you! =)

ja ne. *smile*

kate`*